New Hings is on the southernmost end of Main Street, near the now defunct paper mill. It's bookended to the left by two of the divey-est dive bars you could ever want to patronize, and then on the right by its own dive bar that is attached to the restaurant. John noted that most Chinese food places don't actually make money on their food, but rather on their notoriously strong drinks from the omnipresent attached bars. That's actually John standing there to the left of the door in the picture. He's a pretty wise feller. I have reason to believe he's involved somehow in the Witness Protection Program, so if a mobster should ask you if you've seen a guy named John lurking about Oregon City and Portland, just tell him no.
After being seated and getting our drink order in (I with a Fat Tire and John with a Gin & Tonic), the purist in me demanded that I order the #7 with no consultation of the menu whatsoever. I tried to resist, but ultimately knew that I had to know what was "supposed" to be on the #7 and how much it cost, so I could responsibly create and present to you (my dear reader) a reasonably informed blog.
And here it is, I give to you the formal description of New Hings #7:
As a bonus, all numbered combinations are served with your choice of either Egg Flour Soup or Hot and Sour soup. Personally, I'm a whore for Hot and Sour soup. If my wife ever reads this and wants to know how to get me to do all the really weird stuff... well, there it is.
SIDEBAR: As I originally envisioned this undertaking, I was never going to actually eat in a restaurant. It was supposed to all be to-go, as I didn't plan to have any dinner guests. This approach would serve two purposes: 1) I could subject the #7 in question to a vast array of scientific instruments and tools (OK, I could weigh them with my digital scale) in order to form a less subjective opinion of the dish, and 2) It would save me the embarrassment of eating alone in a Chinese restaurant. End SIDEBAR.
And here it is. From my prior experience with #7s, I must say that it's rare to find one that includes both Fried Shrimp AND BBQ Pork. Score!
We'll start with the good: The BBQ Pork and the shrimp were both solid - the pork being moist and tender, and the shrimp exactly what you'd expect. How hard can it be to cook shrimp like that anyway? The meal was hot and timely, maybe served ten minutes after ordering... giving me just enough time to almost finish my Hot and Sour soup.
The mediocre: The Hot and Sour soup. My personal hierarchy of soups goes like this: 1) Hot and Sour, 2) Clam Chowder, 3) Everything else. On more than one occasion I've made the request to have my casket filled with Hot and Sour soup before I'm lowered into the ground. My friends (and even my wife) think I'm kidding. So what was wrong with it? Well... the hot wasn't hot, the sour wasn't sour and the meat was lacking in texture. Aside from that, I'd still gladly accept this to accompany me to the sweet hereafter if it was the only brand available in close proximity and at a reasonable price.
The sub-mediocre, but not quite bad: The Pork Fried Rice was more like Soy Sauce Rice. The fact that I added more soy sauce to it only exacerbated the problem.
The bad: The Beef with Vegetables was totally lacking. If I were to unpack my adjectives to describe the beef, I'd come up with the following: Limp, pale, shiny. To be fair, if I saw that this #7 was honestly billed as Limp Pale and Shiny Beef with Vegetables I probably would have just moved on. You know how it is when you're eating Krab? It kinda looks like crab. It sort of tastes like crab... but you know it's not really crab. I'm not saying this wasn't really beef, but....
So, in summary:
New Hings #7
Items: Beef with Vegetables, Pork Fried Rice, Fried Shrimp, BBQ Pork, Hot and Sour soup
Cost: $8.25
Weight: n/a
Cost per ounce: n/a
Accoutrements: Soy sauce, sweet red sauce with hot mustard and sesame seeds, napkin, fork
Fortune: You will have an interesting sports proposal in the near future (in bed)
Really subjective culinary score, on a scale of one to five stars: Two stars
2 comments:
Well done!! the beef I mean. Just kidding. Very comprehensive review. I am disappointed to be deprived of the most valued info to an American--the weight and cost per ounce. But alas the picture does provide ample evidence of the sufficient portion size. Wish I could join you on this adventure. Damned gluten and garlic allergies! Tiff
Dive bar heaven, that block.
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